Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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