That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
