i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
