it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
