my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
