So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
