How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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