the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
