Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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