Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
