the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
