Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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