I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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