he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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