No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish I only lived at night.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
