between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This house was built for laser tag.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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