god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
