It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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