I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
