Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
