oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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