You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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