i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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