I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's great music for shaving your balls
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
