sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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