I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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