Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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