This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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