if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
