I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
