Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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