I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
