Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
