So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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