It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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