called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
did you just send me my own nude
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
