I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
