just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
