My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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