I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
