i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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