Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
id be glad to
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize