Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
