White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a search helicopter?!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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