Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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