You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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