rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
