My underwear smells like fireworks.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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