Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
are you so shy because you have an std?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
3 2 1 whiskey
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
