i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
