Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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