Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
