If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
