were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
