I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
