I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
