Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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