Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
