Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need a beard to bite.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
