There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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