we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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