I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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