I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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