If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
