3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
