pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
