Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
