You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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