just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
