yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
