maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
