Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We are two peas in an std pod
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize