i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
