hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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