apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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