From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize