i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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