I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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