You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
