the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
