I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
