My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
