i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
