Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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