Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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