Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
