You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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