So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is classic penis vs brain.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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