Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
