Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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