she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
