my vag is so smooth its legendary
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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