if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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