i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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